Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Hayley meets Boy

I have also been M.I.A and not because I've been dating loads of boys.  Hashtag dry spell.  But I have noticed a pattern...

Boy adds Hayley on Facebook
Boy chats and flirts with Hayley on Facebook
Boy likes Hayley's banter but doesn't ask her out
Boy gets in to a relationship but not with Hayley 
Boy deletes Hayley on Facebook (cheers)
Boy gets single
Boy re-adds Hayley on Facebook

And repeat

YAY! xx


Monday, 12 August 2013

Amy's August Date(s)

Yup, this one got two dates. Almost unheard of. 
We meet for a drink which started off with THE most awkward 'are we just kissing on the cheek, or are we hugging aswell' situation of ALL time. We managed to recover from that quickly and were pretty chatty with each other. I'm driving but he's drinking steadily... I'm guessing he has a few nerves? As we seemed to be getting on well, he suggests we go somewhere else for dinner. 
We bump into some of his friends, and he looks pretty embarrassed. They then decide to sit opposite us, and wave at us and text him for the rest of the night. LADS.
My favourite thing about this guy is how much he laughs- especially at my shit jokes. At one point he's crying with laughter, and I feel pretty goddam smug about it. I give him a lift home, and he texts me a couple of days later asking if I want to do it again.
The next week we meet for another drink, and he starts the nervous drinking again, but this time I'm doing it too. We end up drunk, as he downs his drinks and demand that I keep up with him. We find out we have the same birthday, and he says 'at least when we're together, i'll never forget your birthday'. Awks. What the fuck. 
On the way home he makes a bold move and puts his arm around me, year 7 style. Year 7 or not, I'm still pretty scared of it. Apparently I don't react very well with successful dates, and I get the hell out of there as soon as I can. He's a lovely guy, and nearly ticks all the boxes. But I don't fancy him. Probably because he's not an absolute bellend. 

Amy xx

You know he's a keeper when he comes back from the bar with pork scratchings.... 

Amy's July Date

I'm gonna say that I didn't have a date in June because I was just so damn busy with birthdays and social plans, and getting a new job etc etc. That's clearly the reason. 
July was looking very much the same way until I got asked out on the 31st. Lucky. I said yes to this guy because he's local to the new city I work in, where I know nobody. He said he'd show me around and we could go for lunch- Which would be lovely if we weren't in Basingstoke. 
I met him in the delightful town centre, after about half an hour of him directing me over the phone, and we went to a restaurant for some food. 
One of the most attractive qualities about him is that he's a fireman. That's so fucking hot. (No pun intended) I start to ask him about it but I don't really get the reaction I expected, as he tells me he doesn't really want to talk about it. Brilliant, there goes ALL of my conversational content. 
Somehow, we end up deep in conversation about his best friend dating a prostitute. It's the most interesting thing we speak about for the whole date, and he ends up showing me her website where she lists her services. We talk about how her boobs are wonky, and I ask him what 'snowballing' is. I wish I hadn't asked, I can't finish my pasta. 
He's a good looking guy, I just REALLY wish he didn't have a tattoo of a turtle on his leg. Yes, a TURTLE. 
 He paid the bill, and said that I 'can pay next time, *wink*'. Hmm. Second dates aren't really my thing apparently. 

Amy xx

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Amy's May Date

Don' t get your hopes up for Mr May. He was not good.

I met him on a night out (instant fail). We were both very drunk and all I seem to recall is him swinging me around in some sort of elaborate dance routine, and making me laugh quite a lot. He wasn't my usual type at all... but my logic here being that my usual type is usually 'bellend'. 
He told me he thought I was good fun, and he seemed really fun too. In hindsight, this is probably because we were both drunk and well, what isn't fun when you're drunk. I scope him out on Facebook and convince myself that he doesn't look 'too bad'. His profile pictures were ok... his tagged photos an absolute shambles. 

After a few days he asks me out for a drink. I should add that before settling for a drink, he suggested he 'came round for dinner'. He strikes me as a dating retard, but I persist. His banter is reasonable and I'm somehow intrigued, even if does keep making inappropriate first date suggestions. (One of his texts says 'I'd prefer to do something a bit more active'. Get a grip). 

I can tell that I'm not too bothered about this guy as I get ready... I put on the staple leather leggings, a t shirt and trainers. TRAINERS. I don't give a fuck do I. I pull up at his house and he comes outside to meet me. 

Mr May clearly also does not give a fuck, as he walks up to the car in a hoodie WITH HIS HOOD UP. Is this a joke? After the initial fear that I was about to get abused by a youth, he takes me to a country pub. I offer to buy him a drink, and he says yes. I didn't expect that. I'm buying my hoodie wearing date a drink. This is awful. 

He spends the first 15 minutes telling me about his carb- only diet. He shows me an app on his phone which records these carbs. Fascinating, tell me more. I convince myself he's just nervous, the fun guy from the bar will emerge soon. WRONG. There are one or two awkward silences, something I've never experienced on a date before. I have no idea what to say to this douche. After an hour, we decide to leave. Thank God. I preferred the drunk version of this guy. Needless to say I won't be seeing Mr May again. Back to the 'bellend' then. 

Amy x

Sunday, 21 April 2013

So it's April, I still haven't had a date and I feel like I'm letting the blog down!

This is typical me. I can't be bothered (probably got something to do with why I'm still single) and I just live the single dating life through Ames.

The last date I went on was so much fun as well. I might as well tell you about it.

We went to Gunwharf - obvious choice. Amy came round before to help me with my outfit and gave me a lift (thanks mum)!

We arranged to meet at Slug & Lettuce and he was late. I had a large glass of wine before he eventually turned up...with a hole in his crotch!

He immediately got his tattoos out, I think to break the ice as they were pretty stupid. One on his toe, you can imagine my face as anyone who knows me well will know I have foot phobia.

We had a bit of an awkward conversation about my ex and then he offers me jaeger, I oblige. Four for £10 would be rude not to, right? 

We got on pretty well and I think I made him laugh. On to Bar 38 for a dance. Cringein'ell. His shapes were outrageous so I quickly abort the plan.

I whatsapped Ames who was chilling at her friend's apartment which overlooks the bar. She offered me a lift home and seeing as I was 8/10 drunk I accept. She gives my date a lift home too!

I should probably have mentioned earlier that my date looks a bit like Nick Grimshaw and is Craig David's biggest fan so it's banterville all the way home.

I had a good night! Just haven't seen him again. Might give him a text actually.

I promise to have a May date!

Hayley xoxo

Saturday, 13 April 2013

Amy's April Date

Not really sure where to start with Mr April... a weekend away in Brighton isn't my usual kind of date. To be honest I wasn't sure if it was a date or not until I was driving back home checking my phone for the 'Thank you, I had a really good time' text.... yeah, that was a 'date'. 

I've known Mr April for 8 years... back in 2005 I thought he was THE coolest guy in the world. Seriously. That boy knew how to take a good MSN messenger profile picture. 

For the first time in 8 years, we are both single again...and we somehow casually arrange a weekend at his in Brighton. I guess it didn't really seem weird til I rock up with a suitcase :/ (He later tells me that he was surprised to see me stroll in wearing a woolly hat and chewing gum... there seem to be some date rules I've missed out somewhere. Both are unacceptable.) I send the standard 'I'm here ok, and he's still hot' text to my nearest and dearest. 

Thankfully, there's no awkwardness and we go out for a few drinks. He's as funny as I remember, and we spent most of the night taking the piss out of other people. Perfect. 

We head back and do the cliche of chatting til the early hours.CHATTING. Stay classy girls. 

On Saturday we went to one of my favourite places for 'meant to be breakfast but we got up too late so it's lunch/ dinner'. We then have a lazy day, finished off with more drinks and a takeaway. Pretty spot- on Saturday. 

Standard Instagrammed food pic

Can I just point out, that after talking about Derren Brown, we play the 'guess what number I'm thinking of' game. We guessed right EVERY time. I'm 90% sure that's the first time that's ever happened since records began. Just sayin. *COUGH* meant to be *COUGH*

On Sunday he takes me for a pub roast. I'm impressed. He was scared of some wasps and made a bit of a fuss, but I'm not allowed to write about that. 

Then more chilling at his, and a mandatory Friends sesh (a good three episodes) before I drive home. Ten minutes into the drive... There's that text. Bossed it ;) 


Wednesday, 3 April 2013

The Single Girl's Bank Holiday Weekend

No March date for me.... just a three night Easter bender. That'll do. 
I'm not really one to be on the lookout for men when I go out- but for the sake of the blog, I'll make an exception ;) 

Three nights out, three different places, three different types of men. Hayley (my usual partner in crime) isn't about this weekend, so a few of my other single friends happily oblige.... 


Fancying a laid back and casual night, me and my friend Claire head to a beer festival before going to a small club nearby, known for having a bit more of an 'alternative' crowd. Your average man in here will be wearing a hoody. He may even be wearing a hat (Controversial). He will more than likely be good fun, but there is a pretty good chance that he will smell like feet. I'm juuuuust saying. 

Time for a bit of..."Excuse me... can I get a photo please?!" Cringe. Again, for the sake of the blog.... 

See, a boy in a hat. 

This one has a beard! And a hoody!

The main difference about the men in this place is that they're pretty laid back, and have no issues with coming over for a chat and a bit of banter. 
After bouncing around like an idiot who's definitely had one cider too many, I get chatting to someone.... 

Him: "Let's just get really drunk"
Me: "Yeeeahh! I've run out of money...."
Him: "I don't buy girls drinks.

   What drink you want?" 

I get a facebook add the next night. Smooth. 


Saturday night was a work night out in the centre of town. You can pretty much guarantee that ANY man you meet here will be a prick. It's a bold statement, but I'm sticking to it. Most of the men here look like they fell right out of Geordie Shore. Vom. They're also fairly convinced that grinding against you is a fail safe conversation opener, that's if their bottle of Grey Goose hasn't got you in their booth yet.... 
Needless to say there are no photos from Saturday night.

Had constant texts from Mr January. What a trooper. 


My good friend Abbie joined me for my last night out, this time in a different city. She didn't disappoint. The men here are definitely more my type- a bit more cheeky, approachable... 
I just wish I could remember more :/ I'm not too sure how attractive a couple of girls are after downing half the contents of the bar?

Meet my new friends.... 

This guy couldn't have been more chuffed to have his photo taken...

Conversation of the evening: 
"Hi, what's your name?"
"Ah cool. Where you staying tonight?"

Aaaaand that is why I don't meet anyone out.